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Paving The Way For Divorce: Live-in Relationships
By James Walsh
Figures state that between 1974 and 1994, the percentage of marriages preceded by cohabitation increased from 10% to 56%.
Advantages of Live-in Relationships
Convenience: Most live-in couples argue that this kind of relationship is convenient. It also offers individual satisfaction to fulfil personal ambitions. There is financial and social convenience. Expenses are shared. It is also cheaper as one apartment is definitely less expensive than two. The couple gets to buy one gift for social events instead of two. There is only one apartment to clean.
For Physical and Emotional Intimacy: A live-in couple is for all purposes perceived as a married couple. The couple lives together and shares the same residing space. Thus, live-in offer the same emotional and physical intimacy of marriage. But the relationship is devoid of the obligations and responsibilities of married life. The couple has the freedom to pursue individual goals. The partner is not answerable to the other party in the relationship. There is no commitment. The individual is free to make new friends and engage in flirtatious encounters devoid marital pressure.
Allows Couple to Test Compatibility: Live-in allow a couple to test their compatibility levels before the marriage. It gives them the opportunity to experience marital life without the pressure of marital life. A live-in couple sees this relationship as the determinant. It is a way of preparing for marriage by practising living with someone. The relationship is also seen as a way to know each other's true nature, habits and behaviour.
Live-in are perceived as a way to have an intimate relationship without the risks of divorce or being trapped in an unhappy marriage. But cohabitation does not often lead to marriage. On the contrary, it increases the chances of divorce among live-in couple who does get married.
Reasons
Fear of Commitment: People willing to live together are unconventional in nature. They tend to be less committed to marriage as an institution. These two factors make it easier for them to leave a marriage later if it becomes unsatisfying. Live-in couples who do get married fear full and profound commitment. They are unable to commit and focus fully on marital life. Marriage is a unique relationship built on mutual commitment and permanence. Live-in couples fear such a permanent and committed relationship. Cohabitation's biggest attraction is an easy exit with few responsibilities.
This affords live-in couples the opportunity to divorce without a second thought as the marriage stumbles
across a roadblock. They find live-in more free and satisfying. Divorce merely is an answer to their carefree uncommitted nature. Studies show that 22.6% of live-in individual women got divorced after two years of marriage.
Personal Freedom: Cohabiters value independence more than non-cohabiters. Marriage involves less independence than living together. Live-in couples are less likely than married ones to support or be financially responsible for their partners. They have separate bank accounts. Male cohabiters are more likely to value personal leisure and individual freedom.
Marriage is stifling for live-in couples. They are always on the lookout to divorce if individual freedom is hampered or burdened in any way. Studies show that cohabiters are 32% more likely to walk out of marriages after three years of marriage. They are unable to cope with the loss of independence. They cannot deal with familial responsibilities and sacrifices.
Negative Attitudes towards Marriage: Cohabiters are more likely than non-cohabiters to have negative attitudes about marriage. They are more likely to accept divorce as a solution to marital problems. They think that marriage means an end to individual freedom and fulfilment of personal goals. Marriage is perceived as compromises, tolerance and sacrifices. It is seen as a road of commitment and responsibilities. This marital perception does not sit well with cohabiters.
The longer cohabiting couples live together, the more negative their attitudes about marriage and child-bearing are. These negative attitudes serve as the propeller to divorce. These attitudes and perceptions induce couples to file for divorce.
A pattern of serial cohabitation develops. This happens as couples cannot cope with the realities of marriage. They divorce to enter into a live-in relationship again. The cycle continues and does not stop. Cohabitation actually becomes a roadblock rather than a prelude to marriage.
Research suggests that usually couples see marriage as more profitable and satisfying than live-in relationships. Marriage offers security and commitment with emotional and physical privacy. The individual is not alone to face obstacles. There is no need to bear family responsibilities and financial burden alone. James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com
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